A Restless Affair

I’d just rather stay home. Everyone expects to see me.
I double check to make sure I look ok. I think I look ok?
Traffic is bad on the way…I’m going to be late. I hate being late.
I start to feel jittery as I’m looking for a place to park…why are there no spots left?
Now I’m definitely going to be late…a fretful sweat has already begun.
Do I still look ok?
Finally a spot is in sight…I park the car resisting my instinct of flight.
With apprehension I make my way, just have to show face; no need to linger or stay.
In disquietude I enter the reception hall.
A plate of food and a drink, that’s all.
A hundred tables to choose but not ones for me. I feel out of place, smothered, drowning, nowhere to be.
She takes my hand and looks me in the eye.
I steady my breathing and willingly comply.
I know these feelings are all in my head, no matter how hard I try to replace this dread.
She guides me to a place for two. She talks to me, comforts me, she’s felt this before too.
We make it through the night and home.
I fulfilled my obligation, could not have alone.
Until the next time that I must venture out to face the demons that overwhelm my mind.
In my castle I’ll remain to recharge my soul; this is my anxiety grind.

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