As I Lie Awake

I open my eyes. I see my beautiful spouse lying next to me, still sleeping contentedly. It is a Saturday morning and I am the first to rise. Our daughter is still snuggled in bed with closed eyes. I go to the kitchen with a thought in mind. To get my favorite coffee beans and give them a fresh grind. As the water heats I look outside, a perfectly manicured lawn and white picket fence is where I reside. I contemplate the American dream, a perfect life is what it seems.

My cup freshly brewed, the delicious aroma in the air. I take my first sip and so begins this nightmare.
The taste is bitter and brine. My eyes pop open for the second time. I realize before was all a dream. Reality setting in is not what it seemed.
I am a divorced middle aged man, with a patchy lawn and a weathered fence that can barely stand.
I still have blessings and purpose in my life, but I am also lonely, without a wife.
My daughter is my shimmering moon, a gift for my heart, in my wake of despair.
I am finding myself again, through being a father, a chef, a diver, a sailor, a writer…these things are my air.

I close my eyes after a long day. My mind is blank and I drift away. The next time I open my eyes, from my sailboat on the open ocean is a majestic sunrise. My daughter has grown up and left the nest. I’ve pursued my passions, and followed my dreams. Am I asleep or awake? Maybe both it seems…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *