Lost Boy

First there was one. He was the center of his fathers world. He was the sun. 

Catch in the yard, horse rides to bed. The childhood joys, Love is what bred.

Then there were two. The first boy still had joy in his life and a brother made new. His father was his hero, a man of music and soul.  Chasing a dream to be a musician, his ambition was bold.

Little did this father know, with two boys and a wife his responsibility did grow. Working a 9-5 he saw his dream soon fade and into depression did he quickly slip away.  Drowning in the bottle begun, the whole world changed for this first born son.

At six years old responsibility was born. Duty called and the inner instinct to look after his own had formed. A brother and two cousins were under his care; making pbj’s, getting juice and water, applying bandaids, all he would bear.  His hero and grandfather in the other room, there for emergencies but beneath the bottle all often and too soon. 

Then there were three. A new start desired we attempted to flee. A young family trying to find its way. Traveled across the country in seven long days.  Now the first son was accustomed to the task. With two younger brothers he protected and loved. Naive to the sacrifices he made, just thought it his job. 

The spiral continued and the pain multiplied. Three young boys wondered why their mother so often cried. Little did they know if not for them she’d have died. A grit and determination only a mother can summon. We moved again with a fourth brother coming.

Finally at ten the eldest knew. Time to confront his hero and defend his mother too. He mustered up all his courage and strength, he marched to his father with tears in his eyes. A cry and a plea to leave her alone, never realizing that wrath would change to his son.

Divorce soon followed that fateful night. A broken family clinging to life. The oldest son grew into a natural leader full of grit. Guiding his brothers, supporting his mother, unwavering and steadfast through all of it. He was the rock. He had to be. If he wasn’t strong for them then who would be? If you ask him his path he has no regrets. Proud of the man he became although he chooses to forget. Because deep down inside, behind the mask of duty and pride. Behind the responsibility and sacrifice and honor; he hides. A Lost Boy who misses his hero resides.

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